Am sitting on the No. 23 packed with other suits finding their way home to the West of London. Been a strange day, odd feelings have been with me, let me explain:
As you'll know I'm a motorbike rider, I'm passionate about bikes, a complete bike geek who takes pride in riding to work everyday in all weathers. Now, habit has it that I leave the house in the morning and ride up onto Harrow Rd before coming out at Paddington police station, I'm usually opposite Edgeware road tube station by 8.30am. I travel into London on the A40 and just passed the Great Portland St underpass, turn right at about 8.45 am into Russell Square... Everyday I do this, except today.
Today I have my bike in for a service. Do you get the picture? I know its tenuous and I'm building up the picture a bit, but I feel a bit like those guys who had a dentist appointment on Sept 11 2001 and didn't go into work at the World Trade Centre. I feel lucky. Of course, chance has it that I'd have never been near the Russell Square bus explosion which occured at that time, but it does make you think.
I spent the rest of the day wondering if someone's looking over me.
I also firmly believe that if I was to be hit by a bus today, I'd want to die with a smile knowing I was doing what I wanted with my life. Today was a blow, I'm striving to do want I really want with my life but I'm not there yet and today left me TOTALLY frustrated and remotivated to move forward, the second blow was that I was then surrounded for the rest of the day (on the internet) by the very area I want to work in utterly detached from it, with no influence over it and a chasm between. It has felt like a subtle mind bending form of torture. All the more difficult to take as its completely self inflicted.
I know to you this sounds criptic, well, bar Ewan and Hetty but I just wanted to get it down on paper.
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Sent from Ed's Blackberry.
1 comment:
I hear you
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